This is one of those few times in my life where I wish I had a stupid boyfriend.

Some of you may know that I have had issues with my shoulder. Turns out I have a labral tear and bicep tendonitis, and the only remedy is surgery. Exactly two months after being diagnosed and one day after I received a major bitching from my Mom (“grow up” were her exact words), I finally scheduled the surgery for October 10. And let me just tell you, I’m having a major internal freak out. 

I’m not worried about the dumb surgery, or the scars, or any of that crap, I’m sure it’ll go fine. But what I AM worried about is the fact that I will not be able to pull, push or lift anything for 6 to 8 weeks following the procedure.

Let me give you a minute to let that sink in….I will NOT BE ABLE TO PULL, PUSH OR LIFT ANYTHING for SIX MOTHER FUCKING WEEKS. 

Here’s a small list of shit I won’t be able to do:

• doing the dishes
• cleaning my fish’s tank
• opening a jar
• pulling my jeans up over my giant ass
• blow drying/curling my hair
• opening a window in my own damn apartment
• holding on to the subway pole
• changing my sheets

You guys, how am I going to survive?

Look, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m being a brat and there are people in this world with no arms or legs and all of that. But I truly just can’t even wrap my head around how I’m going to get through those six weeks alone.