The best part about jury duty is being dismissed at 11am on the Friday before Labor Day.
The worst part about jury duty is not being able to make a #2 because there are 12 people sitting right outside the bathroom door.
Hey Leann Rimes, it’s ok to admit you’re anorexic.
And I secretly love it. I’M A FUCKING AMERICAN. And that’s all I can say about that.
Some of you may know that I have had issues with my shoulder. Turns out I have a labral tear and bicep tendonitis, and the only remedy is surgery. Exactly two months after being diagnosed and one day after I received a major bitching from my Mom (“grow up” were her exact words), I finally scheduled the surgery for October 10. And let me just tell you, I’m having a major internal freak out.
I’m not worried about the dumb surgery, or the scars, or any of that crap, I’m sure it’ll go fine. But what I AM worried about is the fact that I will not be able to pull, push or lift anything for 6 to 8 weeks following the procedure.
Let me give you a minute to let that sink in….I will NOT BE ABLE TO PULL, PUSH OR LIFT ANYTHING for SIX MOTHER FUCKING WEEKS.
Here’s a small list of shit I won’t be able to do:
- doing the dishes
- cleaning my fish’s tank
- opening a jar
- pulling my jeans up over my giant ass
- blow drying/curling my hair
- opening a window in my own damn apartment
- holding on to the subway pole
- changing my sheets
You guys, how am I going to survive?
Look, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m being a brat and there are people in this world with no arms or legs and all of that. But I truly just can’t even wrap my head around how I’m going to get through those six weeks alone.
- RA: do you know Spanish by heart?
- Me: ...
- Me: yes, I'm fluent.
I think my fish Jeffrey is dying. So sad.
And now I look like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. So yeah.