I just spilled a giant coffee all over myself! YAY!
And the best part is that I always order a tall but today they were nice and gave me a grande. More liquid!!
I just started following Drita Davanzo from Mob Wives on Twitter.
Some ghetto dude (with stars shaved into his hair, his pants down to his ankles and a fake ass blinged out watch about 3 inches in diameter) walked in with a banana. Asked the barista for a venti cup. Peeled the banana. Placed the banana in said cup. Poured some cinnamon on it. Handed the cup to the barista and asked him to fill it with skim milk and ice.
As he was mixing his milkshake with his straw, he turned to me and said that he was trying to save money because his new watch cost him a “pretty penny.” Apparently, it’s encrusted with diamonds from “da Sierra Leone, kid.”
I just got a Spanx catalogue in the mail.
I told my friend I had a secret and he immediately looked at my belly for signs of pregnancy.
Someone’s been doing his research.
First the bus got stuck behind some cab that wouldn’t move out of the way and every single one of the estimated 25 people on the bus starting screaming and cursing and flipping the fuck out. The chick next to me and I just looked at each other and laughed.
Then some dude sitting across from me was reading his magazine out loud. After finishing every paragraph, he had a discussion with himself about what he had just read.
And to top it all off, there was an 80 year old woman straight drinking whiskey out of a bottle at 10am.
But I know of a chick whose 2012 resolution is to change her handbag every day of the week, with her goal being at least five times a week, and it makes me really sad for the human race.