It’s times like these I wish I had a husband.
UPDATE: Jesus, you people are worthless. I know how to light the stove, I’m not that retarded. I just can’t find the pilot light for the fucking oven. You can’t just “light the fucker up”.
And your daily thunder storms that last exactly from 12:30 to 5pm. I’m heading back to NY, where it’s supposed to be 75 degrees and sunny tomorrow. I win. Kind of.
Oh, you know, just listening to Power 96, watching Jerry Springer, cleaning the house, and doing laundry. All while in my bikini and oiled up, just in case a miracle happens and the fucking sun comes out for once.
The whole time I have been in Miami, my friends have been threatening to kidnap Pancake for ransom, so I have been very very careful not to leave the house without him and I check to make sure he is still in the room about once every three hours. Which is already crazy enough as it is.
But wait, there’s more.
Last night, after a bottle and a half of sake, I went to break the seal and when I got back to my room, little Pancake was gone. I immediately went to the living room and demanded that he be returned to me. Of course all the idiots played dumb, which made me even more mad. So what did I do? Oh, I just punched my best friend. Repeatedly. Yep, I punched her. I punched her and turned around and went back to my room.
Pancake was returned to me within five minutes. So maybe Nudawn is right, I will cut you, but only if you mess with my Pancake.
Jesus, you people have no sense of humor.
4. A “Frangrito” is:
A. A threesome with Kate Moss and Ryan Gosling with Frangry in the middle.
B. Peanut butter on a tortilla rolled up like a burrito.
C. Her male Italian American alter ego.
D. A dance invented by Frangry.
9. Pick the celebrity that Frangry does not hate:
A. Lady Gaga
B. Ashton Stupid Ass Mother Fucking Kutcher
C. Shaquille O’neal
D. Angelina Jolie
E. Jessica Biel
F. Agyness Deyn