FRANGRY
Yes, Pancake is single, but he's also straight. →
baxterp.tumblr.com
Sorry to disappoint Hector. Also, I don’t know what kind of animal Hector is, but he damn cute.
May 2009
“Eating fast food makes me happy until it makes me depressed.”
—Noah Kalina’s Facebook status sums up everything in life–it all makes you happy until it makes you depressed.
How do I relight the pilot light on my oven?
It’s times like these I wish I had a husband.
UPDATE: Jesus, you people are worthless. I know how to light the stove, I’m not that retarded. I just can’t find the pilot light for the fucking oven. You can’t just “light the fucker up”.
“Are you a kid?”
—Andy Breckman, from WFMU’s 7 Second Delay (which I will be hosting with him this Wednesday at 6pm), when he heard my voice for the first time.
<3/<3
Fuck you Miami.
And your daily thunder storms that last exactly from 12:30 to 5pm. I’m heading back to NY, where it’s supposed to be 75 degrees and sunny tomorrow. I win. Kind of.
Listen
SWV - Weak
“You’re so getting raped.”
—Miami boys are so classy.
Hey Frangry! What did you do on your second to last day in Miami?
Oh, you know, just listening to Power 96, watching Jerry Springer, cleaning the house, and doing laundry. All while in my bikini and oiled up, just in case a miracle happens and the fucking sun comes out for once.
Never underestimate a woman's love for her teddy bear.
The whole time I have been in Miami, my friends have been threatening to kidnap Pancake for ransom, so I have been very very careful not to leave the house without him and I check to make sure he is still in the room about once every three hours. Which is already crazy enough as it is.
But wait, there’s more.
Last night, after a bottle and a half of sake, I went to break the seal and when I got back to my room, little Pancake was gone. I immediately went to the living room and demanded that he be returned to me. Of course all the idiots played dumb, which made me even more mad. So what did I do? Oh, I just punched my best friend. Repeatedly. Yep, I punched her. I punched her and turned around and went back to my room.
Pancake was returned to me within five minutes. So maybe Nudawn is right, I will cut you, but only if you mess with my Pancake.
So, like, remember that dress I loved that Rihanna was wearing? Right, well, it would look fucking amazing with my new shoes, and you can buy it for me here. Sweeeet, thanks.
“Your feet are good. Like baby feet.”
—The woman giving me a pedicure sure knows how to get a good tip.
Um, hey retards, I was just kidding about the SPF question.
Jesus, you people have no sense of humor.
Do you think if I use SPF 6 and then use SPF 15, that I am now wearing SPF 21?
I think Kapi and I might be made for each other.
Listen
Juicy - Notorious B.I.G. (via kapi)
I must say: I’m really starting to think that it’s not a coincidence that Kapi posts all my favorite songs.
OldJewsTellingJokes.com Archives the Best of a Disappearing Art -- New York Magazine →
nymag.com
Congratulations Old Jews and Eric Spiegelman! (via bliptv)
“You could be the Puffy to his Biggie.”
—Jaime, trying to convince me that I should take Pancake on a worldwide tour.
Take the Frangry quiz
My number one fan, John McCabe, has created a Frangry quiz. Here are some of my favorite questions. You can see the rest of the quiz here.
4. A “Frangrito” is:
A. A threesome with Kate Moss and Ryan Gosling with Frangry in the middle.
B. Peanut butter on a tortilla rolled up like a burrito.
C. Her male Italian American alter ego.
D. A dance invented by Frangry.
9. Pick the celebrity that Frangry does not hate:
A. Lady Gaga
B. Ashton Stupid Ass Mother Fucking Kutcher
C. Shaquille O’neal
D. Angelina Jolie
E. Jessica Biel
F. Agyness Deyn
I will volunteer to help you on this iChat business. →
antikris.tumblr.com
Because that’s what friends are for.
“Halle Berry’s kid is already hotter than you and she’s not even a year old. A baby is crushing your self-esteem, time to drink.”
—Sade speaks the damn truth
